Did Rampant Alcoholism In Australia's Early Settlers — The Australian Accent

A communications professor in Australia has caused quite a stir Down Under with a public complaint that almost everyone there talks like drunks. The "alcoholic slur" of early British and Irish settlers in Australia has left the country with its distinctive accent, a communication expert has said.

An Oz expert in communications claims "Aussie-speak" was established hundreds of years ago and passed down the generations. He went on to that Aussies speak at "two-thirds capacity with one third of their articulator muscles always sedentary as if lying on the couch".

"Missing consonants can include missing 't's (Impordant), 'l's (Austraya) and 's's (yesh), while many of our vowels are lazily transformed into other vowels, especially 'a's to 'e's (stending) and 'i's (New South Wyles) and 'i's to 'oi's (noight)". If you could read that without a hitch, you're either drunk or Australian.

The upshot of this total disregard for clear English is that our Antipodean cousins are poor communicators and lack rhetorical skills, something which could cost the Australian economy "billions of dollars", as The Age audaciously quantifies it.

Linguists from Macquarie University in Sydney said the accent would have developed very rapidly as a means of demonstrating "peer solidarity" among the children of the new colony.

"They would have created the new dialect from elements present in the speech they heard around them in response to their need to express peer solidarity".

So, the Aussie accent could be a result of combining dialects or combining alcohol, but it's probably just both.